Lately I have felt somewhat burdened and disheartened by some of the weaknesses of humankind I have had the misfortune of witnessing. I'm amazed at the number of people I know, by acquaintance and otherwise, that have so easily succumbed to caving on (what I believed and understood to be) their values and morals. I'm also just wondering if it's possible to take a stance about an issue based on a core belief system, without being considered small-minded, bigoted, uneducated, judgemental, etc.? I have become so frustrated by a society that accepts pretty much anything, and in some cases, even promotes and encourages any and all behavior, if it makes a person "happy".
Some of my readers may or may not know of my faith as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As a member of the church, and a Christian, I personally look to the leaders of the church for guidance and instruction when it comes to modern issues. This is not to say that I am a mere lemming, as some perceive those who follow an organized religion, to be. Most of the time I rely on my heart and the whisperings of the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me remain on a path that I feel will bring me and my family the most joy, not only in this life, but in the one to come. During the past year, there has been so much debate about so many issues (because of the election and change of leadership in the country), and particularly issues that bring into question one's belief in something, anything, greater than ourselves.
The Mormon church, in particular, has taken a lot of heat because of it's stance opposing same-sex marriage. During an interview regarding this topic, one of the church's leaders, Elder Lance B. Wickman (of the Seventy), said this: "One of the great sophistries of our age, I think, is that merely because one has an inclination to do something, that therefore acting in accordance with that inclination is inevitable. That’s contrary to our very nature as the Lord has revealed to us. We do have the power to control our behavior."
I think he says so perfectly what we are meant to learn through having faith in God, or any other being: this life isn't meant to be easy, it's meant to be a test of our strength and endurance. If we give in to our carnal nature, on any level, we are allowing ourselves an excuse to behave a certain way, claiming we have no control over how we feel. The notion that something that "feels" so right, must be right, has become too mainstream.
In no way do I attempt to charge that I may be any more righteous than any of those of my acquaintances who are now finding themselves at these cross-roads in life. My sadness comes from a place deep inside me, where I feel the broken hearts of the children and loved ones left behind and pushed aside during these tragedies. It is so hard to watch as people put their own selfish needs before their children, with the rationalization that what they've chosen will make them happy, therefore they will be able to be a "better and happier" parent. The reality is that those children will suffer in ways that no one can know or understand now, or maybe ever. It will come for years as they struggle with their own confusion, identity and self-esteem issues.
So I'm just wondering, what ever happened to keeping a commitment, even when it gets boring, dull, monotonous or difficult? What happened to standing up for what you believe, even if it's the unpopular thing or may offend someone? Why does showing concern for a person and their family's long term emotional welfare somehow translate into a person being judgemental and hypercritical?
As my husband and I were discussing these issues recently, we concluded that we are encountering more of these situations because of our ages and stages in life. This, to me, goes on to beg the question, why have so many given up and given in, all for instant and self-gratification?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
When I was a little girl, I loved playing with dolls; taking care of them, changing their clothes, brushing their hair. I seemed to have a strong, innate desire to nurture and care for others. I started babysitting for other's children when I was pretty young myself. I always just wanted to be a mother. Now that I am a thirty-something mother of four children, I've obviously learned that the vision I had in my mind as a young girl, was not a vision of reality. Being responsible for actual living, breathing, crying, laughing kids is not quite the same as playing with dolls.
My intent in writing this post is not to state the obvious, though. I've been mulling something over in my mind for quite some time and thought it might be therapeutic for me to put some of my thoughts and feelings into something concrete, and see what feedback I receive from all the other mothers out there.
Although a portion of my childhood memories are of good times, feeling loved, mostly, and going through what I would now consider to be the normal stuff of childhood, there were certain instances that in retrospect were the most poignant and prophetic moments. One of those moments being when I was in my mid-teens. I can't remember the exact circumstances, I just remember my mother saying to me "You must do something for yourself with your life. Being a mother will not fulfill you as a person. It's heartbreaking, hard and unsatisfying work. Only a career will fulfill you."
Now, putting aside what that made me feel at the time in terms of my relationship with her (I mean, what parent tells their child that their investment in them has been completely worthless?), I felt even more determined later in my life to prove her wrong. I knew in my heart that there was no way that could be true. A great author once said: "Say what you mean and act how you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." Aahh, the insights of the awesome Dr. Seuss! So here I am, more than 15 years after those words spoken by my own mother burned in my ears, contemplating motherhood as a profession!
As I sit here, listening to my little boy giggle while playing with the dog, I wonder if I'm doing all that I can to create for him a memory and a relationship that will bring him joy and stability later in his life. Most of the time I feel like I don't say the right things at the right times, I don't always recognize those perfect "teaching moments" that I always hear other mothers speak about. In fact, I usually feel so mentally drained and emotionally wiped out, that I just have to hope that I'm not doing or saying anything that will be to my child's detriment. But the fact that I love my kids so much gives me the motivation to keep going day to day, being as strong as I possibly can be, doing the best that I can, giving all that I can give, and praying that it will be enough, without actually being too much!
I know one thing for certain, though, and that is that my mother was wrong, at least for me. I can only speak for myself in saying that being a mother to four of the most beautiful and precious children is fulfilling, satisfying work. It may be thankless, unending, draining, and just plain hard, but that to me is what makes it so satisfying. In the end, if I can see my kids through to their adulthood, and see that they feel loved by me and their father more than they can fathom, then I've succeeded. I may not do anything else right by them, but they will hopefully at least know that!
I know of so many other women, mothers, that show me everyday with their example that they are striving for the same thing. I'm curious, though, to know how others of you gauge your success in this arena. Sometimes the hardest moments for me are when my kids are fighting with each other, or they say or do something that I can't even believe. Did I teach them this or that? Where did I go wrong? There are times that I have said to my husband that I feel like I'm failing as a parent, if for example, I'm having one of those days (or weeks) when it seems like all the kids can do is misbehave, fight, argue, mope, whine, etc. He always says the same thing when I feel like that - "You're here with them, everyday. You take care of their every need. You're being a good mom. Don't expect perfection." Lucky for me I have such a great and supportive husband.
I just want to tell all you other moms whose blogs I read and enjoy, thanks for posting about your families, be it what you perceive as successes or not. I am so inspired and touched when I read about how righteous your desires are, and how you survive those tougher times. It's always nice to know that I'm not alone.
My intent in writing this post is not to state the obvious, though. I've been mulling something over in my mind for quite some time and thought it might be therapeutic for me to put some of my thoughts and feelings into something concrete, and see what feedback I receive from all the other mothers out there.
Although a portion of my childhood memories are of good times, feeling loved, mostly, and going through what I would now consider to be the normal stuff of childhood, there were certain instances that in retrospect were the most poignant and prophetic moments. One of those moments being when I was in my mid-teens. I can't remember the exact circumstances, I just remember my mother saying to me "You must do something for yourself with your life. Being a mother will not fulfill you as a person. It's heartbreaking, hard and unsatisfying work. Only a career will fulfill you."
Now, putting aside what that made me feel at the time in terms of my relationship with her (I mean, what parent tells their child that their investment in them has been completely worthless?), I felt even more determined later in my life to prove her wrong. I knew in my heart that there was no way that could be true. A great author once said: "Say what you mean and act how you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." Aahh, the insights of the awesome Dr. Seuss! So here I am, more than 15 years after those words spoken by my own mother burned in my ears, contemplating motherhood as a profession!
As I sit here, listening to my little boy giggle while playing with the dog, I wonder if I'm doing all that I can to create for him a memory and a relationship that will bring him joy and stability later in his life. Most of the time I feel like I don't say the right things at the right times, I don't always recognize those perfect "teaching moments" that I always hear other mothers speak about. In fact, I usually feel so mentally drained and emotionally wiped out, that I just have to hope that I'm not doing or saying anything that will be to my child's detriment. But the fact that I love my kids so much gives me the motivation to keep going day to day, being as strong as I possibly can be, doing the best that I can, giving all that I can give, and praying that it will be enough, without actually being too much!
I know one thing for certain, though, and that is that my mother was wrong, at least for me. I can only speak for myself in saying that being a mother to four of the most beautiful and precious children is fulfilling, satisfying work. It may be thankless, unending, draining, and just plain hard, but that to me is what makes it so satisfying. In the end, if I can see my kids through to their adulthood, and see that they feel loved by me and their father more than they can fathom, then I've succeeded. I may not do anything else right by them, but they will hopefully at least know that!
I know of so many other women, mothers, that show me everyday with their example that they are striving for the same thing. I'm curious, though, to know how others of you gauge your success in this arena. Sometimes the hardest moments for me are when my kids are fighting with each other, or they say or do something that I can't even believe. Did I teach them this or that? Where did I go wrong? There are times that I have said to my husband that I feel like I'm failing as a parent, if for example, I'm having one of those days (or weeks) when it seems like all the kids can do is misbehave, fight, argue, mope, whine, etc. He always says the same thing when I feel like that - "You're here with them, everyday. You take care of their every need. You're being a good mom. Don't expect perfection." Lucky for me I have such a great and supportive husband.
I just want to tell all you other moms whose blogs I read and enjoy, thanks for posting about your families, be it what you perceive as successes or not. I am so inspired and touched when I read about how righteous your desires are, and how you survive those tougher times. It's always nice to know that I'm not alone.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Very Vanilla Smoothie
My sister-in-law has requested that I post a recipe for a healthy alternative when that vanilla ice cream craving hits. This smoothie is perfect and yummy, but you can experiment with it and add other fruits, more sweetener, etc.
1 cup skim milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup vanilla low fat yogurt
1/2 of a banana
1/2 cup peaches, frozen
1/2 cup ice
1 tablespoon honey, or artificial sweetener, to taste
Put milk in blender, then add everything else, except the ice, and blend. Gradually add the ice until creamy.
1 cup skim milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup vanilla low fat yogurt
1/2 of a banana
1/2 cup peaches, frozen
1/2 cup ice
1 tablespoon honey, or artificial sweetener, to taste
Put milk in blender, then add everything else, except the ice, and blend. Gradually add the ice until creamy.
Splurge on these: Susan's Peanut Butter Brownies
My step-mom made these for us when we visited her and my dad last summer, and they were so delicious I had to have the recipe. I'm sharing it with all of you, and if you like peanut butter, you have GOT to try making these!
Ingredients:
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup butter
2 cups white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups flour, sifted
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup chopped peanuts
Topping:
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon honey
1 cup chopped peanuts
Directions:
Cream peanut butter, butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla and blend well. Sift dry ingredients and add to creamed mixture with peanuts. Mix well.
Spread batter evenly in buttered 9x13x2" pan. Bake for 35 minutes at 350 degrees.
For topping, combine sugar, butter, milk and honey in saucepan. Bring to a boil and cook slowly for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and add peanuts. Let cool, then spread on warm brownies. Makes 48 small squares.
Ingredients:
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup butter
2 cups white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups flour, sifted
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup chopped peanuts
Topping:
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon honey
1 cup chopped peanuts
Directions:
Cream peanut butter, butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla and blend well. Sift dry ingredients and add to creamed mixture with peanuts. Mix well.
Spread batter evenly in buttered 9x13x2" pan. Bake for 35 minutes at 350 degrees.
For topping, combine sugar, butter, milk and honey in saucepan. Bring to a boil and cook slowly for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and add peanuts. Let cool, then spread on warm brownies. Makes 48 small squares.
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